Too late
by all-these-otepes
Summary: 31-32 CH: Cas finds out he has a fatal disease. He wants to make Dean as happy as he can, he wants to hide it from him. He knows he will keep the secret, but not for long. He manages to do it for one month, leaving them behind with only one week of Castiel's life left. Romance/Hurt, Destiel. DeanxCastiel from Supernatural. If this doesn't float your boat, don't read. Rated T.
1. Prologue

Dean blinked. He couldn't believe it - how? How didn't he know this earlier? Was Cas so good at hiding it that he didn't notice at all? He took a deep breath. He didn't think anymore, his brain wasn't functioning properly. All he could do is stare into Cas' bright blue eyes, to get lost in those two seas of emotion. Cas was giving him the 'puppy eyes'; as Sam called the expression on Castiel's face. He was pleading him for forgiveness.

A familiar feeling of suffocation formed in Dean's throat, as he was trying hard. He was trying hard to stop the tears that started rolling down his cheeks. He couldn't break down - not here, not now. Cas needed him. He knew he mustn't cry, he knew he must put on his brave face, for one last time, for once more.

'Once this is over, I can be the coward I have always been.' Dean thought, as he opened his arms to Castiel, welcoming him in his warm embrace. Soon, he felt the smaller man give in and bury his head in Dean's chest, wrapping his arms around Dean. The taller man breathed in the other man's scent, knowing it will be soon that he will be forced to live without it. It was calming, it was pure.

It all started one month ago.

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**Hello everyone! This is probably going to be my first try on writing a multi chapter fanfic, so please don't be mean. I know this is really short, but I plan on it being 30 plus this one chapter as the Prologue, each chapter for every day in the month, beginning with Castiel finding out that he has [insert disease here]. I still haven't decided on what the disease will be, but I know this fic is going to be painful.**

***crying face* I know, I know. I hate Hurt/Romance, too. But I can't. There are not enough hurt/romance fanfics for all the fans out there. And I know there aren't many, but at least enjoy my crappy writing, alright..? Maybe.**


	2. Chapter 1

**FYI, point of view changes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, but I wish I did. The characters used in this fanfic belong to the writers only.**

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"I am deeply sorry, mister Novak. The results are positive, and how should I say this? You have only one month left of your life. You may last just a little longer, but that's about it. You should have come earlier for a examination, but it's not your fault, I know, I know… this disease has almost no symptoms at all, but your high blood pressure is the main symptom. You should have told someone." The cardiovascular specialist looked down, unsure of how to continue his sentences. Castiel took a deep breath, knowing that he mustn't let Dean know of this.

"Should I keep it from my friends?" He asked the doctor, not knowing what to do about it.  
"My best advice is that you tell your friends immediately, because saying anything later will be too late. I know it's hard, mister, but there are some relative solutions that can… elongate your life for a little more…" The words of the doctor faded away, and Castiel zoned out. Dean was the most important person in his life. He was always there for Castiel, even when said man didn't need the help. Dean was always ready, always backing Castiel up.

Walking down the street, everybody seemed so full of life. The little kids, running around, with their scarves waving on the chill autumn wind. The couples, kissing on the benches under the, now gold, trees. The nature was beautiful, Cas thought. Leaves were gliding on the air, falling on the ground without a noise, and that was the only thing that reminded him of death. The leaves were dead, dry, and they also were alone. He was still alive, but he felt that way. He felt like the happiness that was promised to him was slipping away from the reach of his fingers.

He was promised happiness, only if he followed all the orders they gave him. They, and by they he meant… the angels. He was now a fallen angel, his grace nowhere to be found. But he liked it. He liked being mortal, being as fragile as other human beings, as Dean.

Dean slipped into his thoughts again. The first thing that always popped into Castiel's mind were Dean's eyes. They were wonderful, the greenest green. They were light, almost lighter than the freshly grown leaves of the evergreen pine trees.

He looked up to the mountains in the distance. They were slowly changing their color, their gold and red autumn clothes replacing the green ones from the rest of the year.

He got closer to his apartment, the one he shared with Dean and Sam. It was quite big, considering that there were three grown people living in it. There were three bedrooms, one big living room, a bathroom, and a kitchen.

The living room was what you would call, 'cozy'. A big, brown couch was in the middle of it, and it was pretty soft looking. It was big, it could fit all three of them on it. In front of the couch was a small wooden coffee table, and it had nothing on it, because they were used to putting their feet on it. On the ground was a big, light brown rug with dark brown shapes on it. That's where their dog was used to play so it was ruffled a bit. (And yes, they have a dog.) If you looked around, you would see various pictures on the wall, but one was special to Castiel. It was a drawing of his wings, one Dean drew for him. Sam decided to frame it and put it on the wall, saying it was a 'masterpiece'. At first, Dean wondered why he could see Cas' wings, but then Castiel explained to him that it was because they shared the 'profound bond'. The walls were half tan, half brown, which gave a calming look to the living room.

Next to it was the kitchen, radiating a yellow-greenish color. It was quite plain – a stove, a counter on which Sam cooked their meals, a fridge, and some cupboards. They also had a blender and a juicer, because Sam was quite obsessed with 'living healthy and fresh', and all that stuff, as Dean described it.

Their bedrooms were quite the opposites. Dean's bedroom was a dark shade of red with a little bit of white. It was messy, clothes piling up on the floor, and the closet was empty. A queen sized bed, a small radio which woke him up with the tunes of soft rock in the morning, and a red fluffy carpet on the ground.

Sam's bedroom was all feng shui oriented. The colors were radiating with calmness and the furniture was placed correctly. It was really tidy and Sam always kept it clean. He also had a queen sized bed, but with a dog bed next to it, so their dog could sleep next to him. Sam always went outside in the mornings, walking the dog and jogging. He kept his precious literature on his bookshelves, which never got dusty. It was almost as if he kept rereading all the books that were on his shelf.

Cas' bedroom was… blue. It was the same shade of blue as his eyes. The kind of blue you see when you look in the depths of the ocean on a warm summer day. It was tidy and neat, and Cas kept it clean just the way Sam did, but with a slight difference. He didn't keep it clean for any particular reason – he just didn't want to live in a mess. He'd been living in a mess long enough.

There is no need for describing their bathroom, so let's get back to the story.

Castiel inserted the key in the lock, it fitting perfectly. He got inside the tall, grey building and closed the door behind him, proceeding to take the elevator up to the 4th floor. He knocked on the door of the flat, knowing that his friends are inside. Sam opened the door with a warm smile on his face.

"Hey, Cas! You're back. How did your walk go? It's really beautiful outside, you know… we should go jogging together." Sam suggested, keeping the smile on his face.

"N-No, thanks, Sam. I think I'll pass." Cas pushed himself into the flat, taking his shoes off. He went into the living room and saw Dean sleeping on the couch. He smiled at him, and proceeded to ruffle his hair and laugh. Dean was the only thing that lightened Cas' days up. Sam, too, was there for him when it was tough. They were truly wonderful men and great, great friends, but Cas felt something more for Dean that he could put his finger on.

Sam shot a weird glance at Cas and then laughed with him. He sat on the chair in front of the dining table which they used as a working space too, starting to type something on his laptop. It was probably for his law school, which he recently rejoined.

Cas made his way to his room, which was tidy as usual. Under the bed, he hid his diary, which was full of special moments Dean and him had. And by special, he meant whatever good happened between them. On the first page was some sort of a 'To-do list'; but it was about him and Dean.

_Hug Dean without asking him__. _

_Kiss Dean on the cheek._

_Kiss Dean. _

He quickly scribbled _'Tell Dean about the disease' _as number four, and one single tear rolled down his cheek. He hid the diary back under the bed, and looked up to his bookshelf. The three of them kept some of the research books in Castiel's room, because it was always tidy. They put them there because if they were in Sam's room they might get mixed with said man's own literature.

Lying down on the bed, he turned facing the window and buried his head in the pillow. He silently started sobbing into it.

He didn't hear Dean entering the room and watching him for a while until he felt a warm hand softly moving on his back.

"Hey, Cas." He felt Dean's weight on the bed, but continued with the sobbing. "What's wrong?" Dean gently lied down next to Cas and wrapped his arms around his friend.

Dean thought that it felt awkward, but he was sure that Castiel liked it, so he kept his position. After a few minutes of Castiel's silent sobbing, Dean continued his monologue. "You don't have to tell me, it's fine. Just know I'm here for you." Castiel's sobs lessened a bit and he turned around.

"Thanks, Dean." He said and buried his head into Dean's chest, said man's scent helping him drift off to sleep.

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**Author's note: **

**Hello there! I got one follower of this story, so I just wanted to thank him/her; they made me write this chapter so soon. I never like to disappoint people, even if it was just one person... anyways, the No.1 on the to-do list (sad, right) is underlined because Castiel crossed it out. I hope you like this chapter, and reviews are always appreciated! **

**Please correct me if there are some grammatical mistakes.**


	3. Chapter 2

**_Headcanon:_**** when fallen angels die of 'natural' or so to say, 'human' causes (such as murder, old age or illness/sickness), it makes them see all of the dead angels one by one, whether they knew them or not, and the first ones they see are the ones they most ****_thought_**** about, so it may be an enemy which they hated or one that was close to them. But only they can see them, even though the 'dead angels' appear to be just another member of society, and they're not actually there. I'm really sorry I do this, many sincere apologies.**

**POV changes.**

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Another warm, sunny day in the middle of autumn. It was unlike any other previous one. They used to be dark, rainy and made you feel gloomy. This one made you feel cheerful and full with energy, and soon, the good mood reflected on Dean and Sam.

"What a wonderful day, isn't it?" Dean glanced through the open window, slightly smiling. "Almost as if it is the beginning of summer… it's just a matter of perspective. But it sure brightens life a bit, doesn't it?"

"See, it's perfect for exercising!" Sam joined in, but Dean didn't even bother answering. He was too busy talking to an unresponsive Cas.

"Hey! Cas, are you even listening? Cas?" He started snapping his fingers in front of Castiel's eyes so that he would get said man's attention.

"O-Oh, yes, yes, I think so too." Castiel blinked. He spaced out – again. It was the third time today. It seemed that he got lost in his thoughts for ages, and he didn't mind it. It started just recently, since he was told that he has a month left living. He had forgotten that now, he was a fallen angel, or just a normal human being, no traces of his angel past. He forgot that he was vulnerable.

The soft sounds of calming music spread across the room, and it worked wonders on Castiel. He rested his head on the table and started humming and tapping on the cool, wooden surface. "Dean?" He suddenly broke off the silence that had formed a couple of minutes ago.

"Yes?" The man responded, shifting his gaze from the window to Castiel.

"Can we go outside? Together? Just the two of us… I want to take a walk." He blinked and started pleading Dean with his eyes, hoping that the man would notice his honest means. Dean simply nodded, standing up. "Ah-" Castiel cleared his throat "-thank you. Just let me change, okay?" He went to his room which was getting more untidy as time passed. Three days after he found out about the disease have passed, and still, clothes were piling up on the places that used to be spotless. Dust started forming on his bookshelves, and he hadn't touched his diary since. He quickly dug up some of the clothes that seemed appropriate for the weather and occasion and put them on. He went back in the living room and saw Dean looking at him, and smiled, trying to make the smile look as happy as he could.

"Can we go now? Oh and, would you mind if we get some pie on the way?" Dean cheerfully asked.

_'Oh, how he doesn't know anything… this guy doesn't have a worry on the world right now. Just him, me and his wonderful, soft and warm pie. And I am going to make sure it stays like that.'_

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They were walking down the street, hands almost touching. Dean was stuffing his mouth with the fresh pie, while the other man looked around and enjoyed the wonderful scenery. The leaves already started falling, but the weather was so unlike autumn. Still, a chill breeze wandered through the air.

He was looking around when he saw him. At first, he thought it was some kind of mistake—the guy was dead, that's for sure! But those eyes, that mischievous smile, it was the same, just as 4 years ago, when he last saw them. It couldn't—how could it possibly be? Gabriel, his brother, was dead! He was killed by Lucifer. And still, he saw him there, standing, dressed as a clown, smiling to a little girl that was laughing. He seemed happy, as if he could not remember any of his Archangel past. A red wig, colorful make up and a red nose – he was sure having fun entertaining the little children. Pain shot through Castiel's body, his mind, heart and soul – seeing his brother after so long, after missing him so badly. Tears dwelled on his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. The angel, his brother, who rebelled, just like him, who started loving, feeling for humans. The one that died for the sake of humanity, the one that cherished and respected the value of the humans, unlike Lucifer, who despised them and treated them like _filth_.

Castiel tried—and oh, he tried so very hard to keep his cool, but he just couldn't. it was his brother, Gabriel, the archangel, standing there and making a balloon dog for a girl. Castiel tapped Dan on the shoulder, which drew the man's attention. "Do you see him?" He pointed to Gabriel.

"See who, Cas? Are you hallucinating? We're alone here, you know." Dean shot a glance at the place Castiel was pointing at, and then came closer to him. "You sure you're alright?" Worriedly, he took said man's hand and pulled him down to sit next to him on the bench.

Castiel was shaken up. How could Dean not see him? He was there—right there! Giving the balloon to the girl, just now. And he still was. Castiel turned his head to face Dean and soon tears started dwelling on his eyes. "Gabriel. He's there. He's right there." Pain was visible in his voice, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Wanna go home?"

* * *

Something was clearly wrong. Dean noticed Castiel had been acting really weirdly in the past couple of days, but he decided not to make a fuss out of it, considering that Castiel just became human and might be a little bit shaken. But no, this was different, he thought. Castiel insisted that Gabriel, his friend, the archangel, the trickster, was there. He couldn't tell this to Sam. He knew that Sam valued Gabriel much, much more than him, but nothing could replace the brotherly love Castiel felt for said archangel. Dean could confirm this, considering the love he felt for Sam was enormous and could not be replaced with anything else.

Though, he had to admit, he felt something for Castiel, too. The man was honest, and he knew how to love. He figured everything by himself, he didn't want help and valued the one that he got. He also got the looks but—what was he thinking? He wasn't gay, right? He was still attracted to women. Wait. But there's the thing, bisexual, right? Still, he didn't think that he could label himself just yet. He still had time.

But oh, he didn't really.

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**imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry! i have no idea what was going on school caught me in this whirl and i ended up in a spiral of death and homework and exams! and imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry for this chapter that it's crappy but i just really needed to get the start out and AH! i'm sorry if my crap pains you. still, thank you 8 followers and the ones that took the time to review! you push me, lovelies. **

**IMPORTANT: please, if you value the sake of how fast i update, please, PLEASE tell me in a review or PM what job you would like Uriel to take.**

**Thank you in advance!**


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